Money -- The Destroyer of Friendships

I've been joking around with a very very close friend that perhaps we should start a business together so we could finally put a dent in our friendship. It's just one of those silly jokes we throw around, of course. And there's no likelihood that anything will follow through with such a proposition. In fact, I could imagine us still being this close seventy years into the future. And there just seems to be nothing that would tear us apart (sniff), hence the joke. But then that's what good friendships are all about -- fun, sharing good things together, comforting each other during sad times, and basically having someone around whom you wouldn't see leaving your side for any goddamn reason humankind has created on the surface of this earth.

Except money.

So the news that a member of this girl clique with whom I'm friends with (*wink* I'm that awesome) decided to call it quits with her girlfriends came as a shock to me. As far as I know they've been friends for over fifteen years, have been through so many and so much as friends, and are my definition of a good, tight friendship. You could say I wasn't just disappointed. I was aghast. It just seems to me that such a thing isn't possible. Relationships come and go, right? But friendship? It's one of those things that to me should have some sort of permanence that shouldn't disappear no matter what.

So I decided to call one of them to find out what really happened. (And I'm a gossip too, what can I say?) And when I uncovered the ugly truth, that's when the shock dissipated and was replaced by disappointment.

So there it is -- money. When you look at things the first time, you would think that money seems to be too trivial a reason for any friendship to crumble. It's not as if money that was lent wouldn't be earned again in the next couple of months, if not weeks, right? That several years of good camaraderie isn't worth losing over a couple of bucks, right? But the sad truth is, people have gone separate ways all too often simply because of money. Money -- a thing which is sadly defined as nothing more than just a means to an end. Money -- a lot of things get thrown out the window because of money. And not just simple things, mind. But really important ones.

An hour of reverie later and I end up thinking that perhaps it isn't really the issue of money that sucks here. I, myself, wouldn't mind lending money to someone who needs it. It's just money, for crying out loud. But what really sucks balls here isn't the issue of money. It's the issue of trust. You lend money. You trust that person to pay the money back. If that person doesn't pay it back on time -- for myriad reasons, some reasonable, some not -- then somehow a level of trust is broken. That's just the thing with money. You need to pay it on time, otherwise things are gonna go sour soon. And then on the other side of the fence, there's the issue of the nagging lender, who just wouldn't stop yapping and who just wouldn't understand that "Dude, I just can't pay you back right now, so will you please shut up already? Ugh..."

The psychology of people when caught in the issue of credit is something that I would rather not discuss extensively as I'm no psychologist or financial adviser myself. There are however several things I will suggest to prevent such ugly things from happening in the first place:

Live within your means. Yes, I know, it's fun when you start earning money to go spend, spend, spend like some bastard son or daughter of Donald Trump. I used to be like that myself until you find your coffers running dry. For the disciplined, it's just a matter of stopping and to start being frugal. But then, there are those who just couldn't resist the temptation of spending. So all I could really say is "Stop!" Spend depending on how much you're earning right now. Everyone's gonna climb up the social ladder anyway sooner or later so save those itchy spending urges several years into the future. But for now, stop and don't go down the path of borrowing money just to satisfy a couple of whims.

Communicate. It's the key, need I say more? If you intend to borrow money, be transparent on your reasons and be ready to accept a refusal! Other people need money to spend their money for themselves, too. And be very clear on your intent to pay and when you're going to pay. On the other hand, if you're the one lending money, don't be afraid to say NO if you need to. You have your needs too! And if you do lend money, be clear as to when you want to be paid. Don't be afraid to ask for your money back, but be nice about it. Don't nag the borrower if he or she can't pay you just yet. Be patient but be smart. And make sure to keep a mental note as to whether a person is trustworthy enough to pay you back on time or not.

Credit is credit. Even if you borrowed money from a friend, it's still credit. Pay on time and don't use friendship as an excuse to delay payment. It's that simple.

The business of money is dirty (eww). And to be quite honest, if there's a way of acquiring one's needs without using money, then I would very much gladly do it. On the condition I wouldn't be using my body, of course! But there you go, money, in a way, is a necessary evil that everyone needs to use in order to go about the business of living. Does it make the world go round? I suppose so. Is it the instrument of the Devil? Well maybe it is! And maybe it is, if it's so powerful enough to destroy good friendships (ooh).

But hey, nobody said that once something is destroyed, it has to remain destroyed, right? I'm really hoping for those girls that once emotions have gone down a notch, maybe they could reconsider and be the friends that they used to be. It's still just - money - after all.