A couple of days ago, I started reminiscing about the good ol' days back in school when I and a couple of friends used to do a lot of music stuff -- acting like fools in the choir, playing in a band, performing in plays, swapping music sheets, trying to figure out the chords of a song, writing our own songs, memorizing lyrics, or just plain listening to whatever song caught our fancy. Sure as hell it was the best of times. I could still remember how I told myself then that this - music - was where my life should be.
Year later, it is a little bit ironic that my life turned out to be a lot different from what I envisioned it to be. Maybe because of so much personal drama and the fact that making music isn't exactly the most financially rewarding job in the world, I found myself doing something else, something of which the very idea of doing it would have disgusted my young self. If he were here now, he would probably berate me for my life's choices. But I suppose life could be mean that way, you'll just never know where the road is gonna lead you and you'll find yourself following the same beaten path taken by everyone else.
The music never left me, however. I still get to occasionally dream of the idea of being able to perform again, not necessarily onstage and in front of a lot of people, but just to be able to perform and sing, even with just a couple of old friends, still feels delightful and refreshing. This idea would've probably brought a tear to my eye. But being hardened and jaded, I just couldn't bring myself to cry anymore as I used to and just be able to let my feelings go. The nostalgia and the sweet pain are still there, however. But life's scars have a way of stopping you from expressing what you feel as you should.
Now a couple of days ago, a good friend has been discussing with me the idea of being able to sing in a choir again. And while it could just turn out to be nothing more but a pipe dream (at this point), the possibility is still there. Singing and music are ageless things after all. While maybe right now things maybe a little too complicated for it to happen, it still could happen especially if we put our minds and emotions into it.
We ended up making suggestions of what songs would be nice to sing as a group. I suggested that Rivermaya's Himala (Miracle) would be really nice and she suggested, a little jokingly, that perhaps I should arrange it. Pretty swell idea, in my opinion. And while I do have experience arranging songs, it has been a LONG while since the last time I did it. The prospect of doing it is a bit scary, I admit. But I thought: hey, it wouldn't hurt to try again. Besides, even if I'm not doing this profit and just for pure giggles, being able to resurrect my dormant musical talents would be a nice creative exercise that would lend some much needed excitement to my somewhat boring life.
So I downloaded a score writer, listened to the song several times, and actually began to transcribe the notes. After several hours of hard thinking and a lot of head scratching, the work was about half complete. And listening to what I have made so far, it felt pretty... glorious. It was like the old feelings and sensations and being able to lose yourself in a world of notes are all coming back. I actually found myself with a smile plastered on my face. And I had no idea when it transplanted itself there.
I'm hoping to finish arranging the song in a few more days. As I've nailed down the basic melodies of the song, all that's left really is to polish and embellish and work out the blending of the notes. Maybe once finished, I'll send a copy of the transcript to my friend, again just for giggles -- well, as soon as I figure out how to convert the file into something that can be e-mailed anyway.
They say that the road least taken is a hard, difficult but beautiful road. But being able to just take a peek and see what could probably be around the corner feels good in itself. Will I follow that road someday? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But the road will always be there. All I really need to do is follow it if I want to.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Lighthouses
It's a little disappointing that as an inland-dweller, I seldom get the chance to see lighthouses as well as other wondrous things that can be seen when living by the sea.
Lighthouses fascinate me. I can't really put my finger on it but there's just something romantic, mystical, and magical about them. Maybe it's how they are able to guide sailors to safety during a storm? Or maybe it's because I'm also searching for my life's own 'lighthouse'?
More lighthouse photos can be found at hickerphoto.com.
But then again, living by the sea doesn't sound too safe. Must be pretty horrible during a storm. I think I'll just stay where I am. =P
All photos by Rolf Hicker from hickerphoto.com
Lighthouses fascinate me. I can't really put my finger on it but there's just something romantic, mystical, and magical about them. Maybe it's how they are able to guide sailors to safety during a storm? Or maybe it's because I'm also searching for my life's own 'lighthouse'?
More lighthouse photos can be found at hickerphoto.com.
But then again, living by the sea doesn't sound too safe. Must be pretty horrible during a storm. I think I'll just stay where I am. =P
All photos by Rolf Hicker from hickerphoto.com
A Recurring Dream
For quite some time now, I have been having this recurring dream. In the dream, I found myself having an urgent need to go to a faraway place. All I really need to do was to get myself to the bus station (sometimes the jeepney or the tricycle one), then I would be on my happy way to wherever it was I was planning on going. But every time I started walking to the station, my feet began to feel very heavy, I could feel my pace slackening, and I literally had to drag my legs like I'm trying to pull some heavy metal object attached to myself. I would eventually reach the station and then I would wake up. But sometimes, I wouldn't even reach the station at all.
We've all have had recurring dreams. And just like everyone else, I also get those pretty common ones like finding yourself falling from a high place, or naked in public, or having your teeth fall off. It's no wonder that throughout the ages, men have attributed a lot of mysticism and hidden meanings to dreams, believing that they could be a link to the soul world or else a premonition of things to come. I myself used to do this. And it came to a point that it caused so much serious mental drama, I trained myself to just forget about my dreams as soon as I wake up and try to focus instead on what's real and the stuff that I need to do during the day. It may have been difficult at first but as the stress level went down, I became used to doing it and liked it.
But being naturally curious, and having being lately pestered by these dreams against my will, I decided to cut myself some slack and decided to do a little internet 'research' on what my dream could mean. I'm definitely not doing this just so I could raise my anxiety level once again, hell no. But since it has been pointed out by psychologists like Jung and Freud that dreams are products of our own subconscious, hence of things that are within our own psyche, then perhaps there is a way for me to find some rational explanation on what my subconscious self was trying to tell me.
Surprisingly, there isn't a lot of articles discussing dreams about walking, most are focused on the usual onese like teeth and nakedness. But I eventually found one and it asked me to try to remember several aspects of my dream. Was the walk difficult or not? Where was I walking to? The difficulty of the walk seems to indicate how efficiently the dreamer maneuvers and progresses through his own personal life journey. While the presence or lack of a destination seems to indicate if the person knows what he is trying to achieve or if he is still in the process of searching for it.
Trying to apply what the article suggested, it would seem that at this point in my life, I already do know where it is want to go and what it is I want. But sadly it would seem that in the process of trying to reach my goal, I am finding myself in quite a struggle, barely reaching what it is I'm trying to get to and maybe sometimes not reaching it at all.
Quite frankly, I don't really need a dream to tell me this. I already knew about this and have been trying everyday to do my best to achieve my goals. Could it just be that my subconscious was getting impatient? Or was it just telling me that I'm taking way too long and wasting a lot of time? Perhaps the dream was nothing but a manifestation of my own frustrations, trying to knock some sense into me and reach me while my conscious defenses are down.
But whatever my dream was telling me, I know what it is I have to do: to keep moving forward in life no matter how hard the road is and how difficult the situation might be. The dream might have been interesting enough to make me want to explore its meaning and subject myself again to another mental torture. But in the end, the dream was just that - a dream and nothing more.
Photo from fajr.wordpress.com
We've all have had recurring dreams. And just like everyone else, I also get those pretty common ones like finding yourself falling from a high place, or naked in public, or having your teeth fall off. It's no wonder that throughout the ages, men have attributed a lot of mysticism and hidden meanings to dreams, believing that they could be a link to the soul world or else a premonition of things to come. I myself used to do this. And it came to a point that it caused so much serious mental drama, I trained myself to just forget about my dreams as soon as I wake up and try to focus instead on what's real and the stuff that I need to do during the day. It may have been difficult at first but as the stress level went down, I became used to doing it and liked it.
But being naturally curious, and having being lately pestered by these dreams against my will, I decided to cut myself some slack and decided to do a little internet 'research' on what my dream could mean. I'm definitely not doing this just so I could raise my anxiety level once again, hell no. But since it has been pointed out by psychologists like Jung and Freud that dreams are products of our own subconscious, hence of things that are within our own psyche, then perhaps there is a way for me to find some rational explanation on what my subconscious self was trying to tell me.
Surprisingly, there isn't a lot of articles discussing dreams about walking, most are focused on the usual onese like teeth and nakedness. But I eventually found one and it asked me to try to remember several aspects of my dream. Was the walk difficult or not? Where was I walking to? The difficulty of the walk seems to indicate how efficiently the dreamer maneuvers and progresses through his own personal life journey. While the presence or lack of a destination seems to indicate if the person knows what he is trying to achieve or if he is still in the process of searching for it.
Trying to apply what the article suggested, it would seem that at this point in my life, I already do know where it is want to go and what it is I want. But sadly it would seem that in the process of trying to reach my goal, I am finding myself in quite a struggle, barely reaching what it is I'm trying to get to and maybe sometimes not reaching it at all.
Quite frankly, I don't really need a dream to tell me this. I already knew about this and have been trying everyday to do my best to achieve my goals. Could it just be that my subconscious was getting impatient? Or was it just telling me that I'm taking way too long and wasting a lot of time? Perhaps the dream was nothing but a manifestation of my own frustrations, trying to knock some sense into me and reach me while my conscious defenses are down.
But whatever my dream was telling me, I know what it is I have to do: to keep moving forward in life no matter how hard the road is and how difficult the situation might be. The dream might have been interesting enough to make me want to explore its meaning and subject myself again to another mental torture. But in the end, the dream was just that - a dream and nothing more.
Photo from fajr.wordpress.com
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Pondering on Who I Should Vote For
The May polls are just around the corner and it's about high time for me to put some serious thought on who to vote for. I have by now more or less an idea of who might get my vote as well those whom I definitely wouldn't waste my pen's ink on. My criteria are actually pretty simple and I'm listing them down here so as to make the decision process smoother. It would at least make it easier for me to spot things or ideas that are quite easy to miss during my abnormally long mental debates.
- - - - -
The Criteria
1. Is his platform viable enough?
Idealism can only get us so far. And while it is nice to see that some of the candidates do possess a good enough, if not admirable, idealism, the solutions to a lot of this country's problems does not rest on idealism alone but also on being pragmatic and practical. Are we really going to struggle through another six years of broken promises and being hungry?
2. Does he stand a chance of winning?
Mobilizing a nationwide campaign takes a lot of effort and uses a lot of money. Voting for someone whom people in the far-flung areas might not even have heard of seems like a waste. I may like the candidate, I may like his platform; but if he doesn't stand the chance of winning, wouldn't my vote just be wasted when someone else who doesn't deserve to be in office (in my mind at least) gets elected? Would a better candidate have won the elections if I cast my vote in his name instead?
3. Is his political will greater than his political ambition?
Someone who reeks too much of ambition does not deserve to be in power. We've seen what Marcos did to this country; why would we choose to go through a similar scenario again?
4. Is he capable of bridging the political divide?
If there is one thing that needs to be immediately addressed and given a quick resolution, it has to be the political divide that has polarized this country for far too long. If we intend to move forward in other more important areas like education and the economy, then we need to get over this roadblock right away. It is simply unnecessary, pointless, and causes so much delays.
- - - - -
With those being said, it's time now to take a look on the candidates. (Based on the COMELEC's official list dated December 21, 2009).
John Carlos Delos Reyes (Ang Kapatiran)
Who? That was the question that came to mind when I read the name. So that's number two of my criteria down. But then again, I was able to watch his interview by Cheche Lazaro and I must say that the man does have a lot of nice things in his mind. But as this country cannot be run through sheer idealism alone, then there's no reason for me to vote for him. He does admit though that he has no chance of winning the election. But it's still quite refreshing to see someone who is sincerely running for his convictions (which by the way do not sound delusional) and not his ambitions. I'm wondering though why he just didn't go and join his uncle Richard Gordon instead. Differences in ideology perhaps?
Maria Ana Consuelo Madrigal (Independent)
I don't know if Jamby is delusional or what but I really don't get the point of her running. None of her bills seem noteworthy. And she involves herself in too much drama. She has a lot of money though and I don't see how she wouldn't be able to launch a nationwide campaign if she wants to. But meh...
Eddie Villanueva (Bangon Pilipinas)
Mr. Villanueva may have a lot of good things to say but I really don't like voting for someone who also represents any denomination or faith. Keeping my faith separate from my politics is very important to me. And also, given his performance in the last poll, I don't think he would do any better this time.
Richard Gordon (Bagumbayan)
This guy has a lot of potential. He's eloquent. Knows what he intends to do. And seems to be a hard worker, based on his work in the Senate and with the Red Cross. Is his platform viable? Probably, especially since as a senator, he has already made his presence known within the national level of politics and thus would be capable of exerting influence. What is really disappointing though is the lack of support from the bigger political parties. If only they listened to what he has to say and supported him, then I would probably have wanted to vote for him.
Gilberto Teodoro Jr. (Lakas-Kampi-CMD)
This guy also possesses a lot of potential. He's smart. Eloquent. Is a known hardworker. Seems to be sincere. And seems capable of enough of reaching out to the various strata of Philippine society. The one disappointment, however, is his being in the administration party. Ideally, of course, a president should be able to exercise his will so long as it stays within the margins of the law; but how are we sure Gloria Arroyo and her ilk will not try to exert their influence on him? If he wins the presidency and Arroyo wins her congressional seat, will he lobby for her as the new Speaker of the House? Are we actually willing to put Arroyo in the line of succession for the presidency AGAIN?
Joseph Ejercito Estrada (PMP-UNO)
I'm sure that Erap is only running for the presidency just to get a sense of vindication. Why the COMELEC even allowed him to run again, I wouldn't know. The way I understood the Constitution, a person should only get one chance of becoming president. But then again, you've got to admire how lawyers are able to twist legalese for their shameless purposes. My thoughts on Erap? If he loses, it'll be alright; he would still feel good knowing that many people still support him. If he wins, then it's back to the midnight parties in Malacanang. But seriously, he has already been the headache of this nation ONCE. Does he really have to be a headache TWICE?
Manuel Villar Jr. (Nacionalista Party)
I will not vote for him, that's final. If someone stinks of ambition, he does - and gloriously for that matter. I've lost tab of how many times he switched sides just to be able to keep climbing the political ladder. Talk about lack of conviction; or if there were any, they are driven only by his ambition for more power. And for the love of God are those TV ads annoying as hell!
Benigno Simeon Aquino III (Liberal Party)
He seems the most likely candidate I would vote for. When it comes to having a good moral background, you can't lose with the parents he had. But I must admit that there are several things that bother me about him. First, he lacks eloquence. I sometimes have to struggle just to make heads and tails of what he's trying to say. If not for his feisty sister, I probably wouldn't even have any idea still of his platform. Second, he lacks the strength of persona that mommy and daddy had. I may like his parents, but he's his own person, he's not them. Third, he came from a political dynasty, and political dynasties are something, I believe, this country should do away with. Nevertheless, he seems to exude the air of being a compromiser and having someone who is willing to bridge political gaps would make for a refreshing change.
- - - - -
These are my thoughts so far and I'm sure they are still incomplete. I am hoping in the coming months to get further enlightenment that will help me in finalizing my decision. Our country needs a change for the better. And if I have to take this decision way too seriously, then I will.
Oh and just so that we're clear. I am not campaigning for anyone nor am I trying to give anyone a bad name here. Just pure thoughts on a personal webspace, nothing more. Please don't let me influence you. Just wanted to clear my head of these thoughts.
Choose as your conviction dictates. Freedom and democracy FTW!
Photo from lakbaypilipinas.com
- - - - -
The Criteria
1. Is his platform viable enough?
Idealism can only get us so far. And while it is nice to see that some of the candidates do possess a good enough, if not admirable, idealism, the solutions to a lot of this country's problems does not rest on idealism alone but also on being pragmatic and practical. Are we really going to struggle through another six years of broken promises and being hungry?
2. Does he stand a chance of winning?
Mobilizing a nationwide campaign takes a lot of effort and uses a lot of money. Voting for someone whom people in the far-flung areas might not even have heard of seems like a waste. I may like the candidate, I may like his platform; but if he doesn't stand the chance of winning, wouldn't my vote just be wasted when someone else who doesn't deserve to be in office (in my mind at least) gets elected? Would a better candidate have won the elections if I cast my vote in his name instead?
3. Is his political will greater than his political ambition?
Someone who reeks too much of ambition does not deserve to be in power. We've seen what Marcos did to this country; why would we choose to go through a similar scenario again?
4. Is he capable of bridging the political divide?
If there is one thing that needs to be immediately addressed and given a quick resolution, it has to be the political divide that has polarized this country for far too long. If we intend to move forward in other more important areas like education and the economy, then we need to get over this roadblock right away. It is simply unnecessary, pointless, and causes so much delays.
- - - - -
With those being said, it's time now to take a look on the candidates. (Based on the COMELEC's official list dated December 21, 2009).
John Carlos Delos Reyes (Ang Kapatiran)
Who? That was the question that came to mind when I read the name. So that's number two of my criteria down. But then again, I was able to watch his interview by Cheche Lazaro and I must say that the man does have a lot of nice things in his mind. But as this country cannot be run through sheer idealism alone, then there's no reason for me to vote for him. He does admit though that he has no chance of winning the election. But it's still quite refreshing to see someone who is sincerely running for his convictions (which by the way do not sound delusional) and not his ambitions. I'm wondering though why he just didn't go and join his uncle Richard Gordon instead. Differences in ideology perhaps?
Maria Ana Consuelo Madrigal (Independent)
I don't know if Jamby is delusional or what but I really don't get the point of her running. None of her bills seem noteworthy. And she involves herself in too much drama. She has a lot of money though and I don't see how she wouldn't be able to launch a nationwide campaign if she wants to. But meh...
Eddie Villanueva (Bangon Pilipinas)
Mr. Villanueva may have a lot of good things to say but I really don't like voting for someone who also represents any denomination or faith. Keeping my faith separate from my politics is very important to me. And also, given his performance in the last poll, I don't think he would do any better this time.
Richard Gordon (Bagumbayan)
This guy has a lot of potential. He's eloquent. Knows what he intends to do. And seems to be a hard worker, based on his work in the Senate and with the Red Cross. Is his platform viable? Probably, especially since as a senator, he has already made his presence known within the national level of politics and thus would be capable of exerting influence. What is really disappointing though is the lack of support from the bigger political parties. If only they listened to what he has to say and supported him, then I would probably have wanted to vote for him.
Gilberto Teodoro Jr. (Lakas-Kampi-CMD)
This guy also possesses a lot of potential. He's smart. Eloquent. Is a known hardworker. Seems to be sincere. And seems capable of enough of reaching out to the various strata of Philippine society. The one disappointment, however, is his being in the administration party. Ideally, of course, a president should be able to exercise his will so long as it stays within the margins of the law; but how are we sure Gloria Arroyo and her ilk will not try to exert their influence on him? If he wins the presidency and Arroyo wins her congressional seat, will he lobby for her as the new Speaker of the House? Are we actually willing to put Arroyo in the line of succession for the presidency AGAIN?
Joseph Ejercito Estrada (PMP-UNO)
I'm sure that Erap is only running for the presidency just to get a sense of vindication. Why the COMELEC even allowed him to run again, I wouldn't know. The way I understood the Constitution, a person should only get one chance of becoming president. But then again, you've got to admire how lawyers are able to twist legalese for their shameless purposes. My thoughts on Erap? If he loses, it'll be alright; he would still feel good knowing that many people still support him. If he wins, then it's back to the midnight parties in Malacanang. But seriously, he has already been the headache of this nation ONCE. Does he really have to be a headache TWICE?
Manuel Villar Jr. (Nacionalista Party)
I will not vote for him, that's final. If someone stinks of ambition, he does - and gloriously for that matter. I've lost tab of how many times he switched sides just to be able to keep climbing the political ladder. Talk about lack of conviction; or if there were any, they are driven only by his ambition for more power. And for the love of God are those TV ads annoying as hell!
Benigno Simeon Aquino III (Liberal Party)
He seems the most likely candidate I would vote for. When it comes to having a good moral background, you can't lose with the parents he had. But I must admit that there are several things that bother me about him. First, he lacks eloquence. I sometimes have to struggle just to make heads and tails of what he's trying to say. If not for his feisty sister, I probably wouldn't even have any idea still of his platform. Second, he lacks the strength of persona that mommy and daddy had. I may like his parents, but he's his own person, he's not them. Third, he came from a political dynasty, and political dynasties are something, I believe, this country should do away with. Nevertheless, he seems to exude the air of being a compromiser and having someone who is willing to bridge political gaps would make for a refreshing change.
- - - - -
These are my thoughts so far and I'm sure they are still incomplete. I am hoping in the coming months to get further enlightenment that will help me in finalizing my decision. Our country needs a change for the better. And if I have to take this decision way too seriously, then I will.
Oh and just so that we're clear. I am not campaigning for anyone nor am I trying to give anyone a bad name here. Just pure thoughts on a personal webspace, nothing more. Please don't let me influence you. Just wanted to clear my head of these thoughts.
Choose as your conviction dictates. Freedom and democracy FTW!
Photo from lakbaypilipinas.com
Monday, February 1, 2010
February and Fools
It's that time of the year again when my eyes are going to be bleeding with all the red paper hearts and giant teddy bears I am about to see. Sometimes I wish I'm the owner of a gift shop or a motel. I bet I'll be swimming in cash in a couple of weeks. Overcommercialism will make money out of love fools again.
But let the foolish spend his money as he will. I got some other things in mind for this month that I'm really hoping I won't forget.
First off, birthdays. I don't know why I suck so much at remembering dates. Okay sure, a belated or advanced greeting is fine; it's the thought that counts anyway, doesn't it? But it feels a lot better to just be able to greet someone on the actual day itself, makes it more special.
Second, EDSA anniversary. It's been roughly half a year since Cory Aquino died and I suppose this year's EDSA commemoration will be a test of sorts for Filipinos. Will the spirit be alive as it was when the nation weeped when Cory died? Or will our short-term memories get the better of us once again as we let another EDSA anniversary pass without us even noticing it?
It'll be a really quick month for sure. But I guess I'm just a little anxious to see what will happen.
Photo from stuartxchange.com
But let the foolish spend his money as he will. I got some other things in mind for this month that I'm really hoping I won't forget.
First off, birthdays. I don't know why I suck so much at remembering dates. Okay sure, a belated or advanced greeting is fine; it's the thought that counts anyway, doesn't it? But it feels a lot better to just be able to greet someone on the actual day itself, makes it more special.
Second, EDSA anniversary. It's been roughly half a year since Cory Aquino died and I suppose this year's EDSA commemoration will be a test of sorts for Filipinos. Will the spirit be alive as it was when the nation weeped when Cory died? Or will our short-term memories get the better of us once again as we let another EDSA anniversary pass without us even noticing it?
It'll be a really quick month for sure. But I guess I'm just a little anxious to see what will happen.
Photo from stuartxchange.com
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Hot Spicy Ramen
A conversation I had with a friend a few years ago:
Friend: So tell me, what's your favorite food?
Me: You think it possible for me to anwer that question?
Friend: Fuck, just answer it, dammit.
Me: Gah... fine. I think I'll go with hot spicy ramen.
Friend: Ooh cool! Why?
Me: It's hot. Ordinary is boring and the spiciness makes it more interesting. And since it's hot, it'll take a while to finish. I really don't like it if it only takes a short time; it's good to be able to take your time and relish what you're having. It also feels very relaxing especially after when you're done with it and you're sweating all over. It's like you were able to do a nice workout without the pain. Just pure awesome. So what about it?
Friend: How you describe your favorite food is your definition of good sex, my friend.
Me: -_- F.U.
- - - - -
Moral: Never ever talk to that friend about food again.
Photo from monoanimal.blogspot.com
Friend: So tell me, what's your favorite food?
Me: You think it possible for me to anwer that question?
Friend: Fuck, just answer it, dammit.
Me: Gah... fine. I think I'll go with hot spicy ramen.
Friend: Ooh cool! Why?
Me: It's hot. Ordinary is boring and the spiciness makes it more interesting. And since it's hot, it'll take a while to finish. I really don't like it if it only takes a short time; it's good to be able to take your time and relish what you're having. It also feels very relaxing especially after when you're done with it and you're sweating all over. It's like you were able to do a nice workout without the pain. Just pure awesome. So what about it?
Friend: How you describe your favorite food is your definition of good sex, my friend.
Me: -_- F.U.
- - - - -
Moral: Never ever talk to that friend about food again.
Photo from monoanimal.blogspot.com
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