How good-looking the main characters are is what counts.
The scary looking guy isn't the bad guy.
The guy helping you is the bad guy.
The jock always dies.
The cheerleader dies.
If the jock and cheerleader had sex, they will die faster.
The virgin never dies.
The funny black guy never dies.
The hispanic weird guy dies.
The cute puppy or kitty will die horribly and violently.
The guy who said "Let's get out of here!" won't be able to.
The noisy guy will die noisily.
Never bother looking behind you. Just run!
No matter how fast you run, the bad guy will always catch up.
Peaceful, soothing music means something scary will pop out in less than 10 seconds.
If it looks dead, it isn't.
If you're hiding under the bed, the bad guy won't bother looking under the bed.
...But if you breathe a sigh of relief, the bad guy will suddenly look under the bed.
If you're not under the bed, the bad guy is under the bed. Don't bother looking, just get the hell out.
It's pointless to hide under the sheets.
If the house looks haunted, don't enter it!
Nice comfy suburban houses are just as haunted so stay away from them too. In fact, just sleep in the streets.
Your flashlight will always fail.
Your cellphone will always lose reception or be out of juice when you need it.
The chainsaw is a dangerous tool. Stay away from it.
Spoons are deadlier than you think, stay away from them too.
Stay away from the swimming pool.
Holy water won't kill the bad guy, voodoo mumbo-jumbo will.
The protagonist is related to the bad guy in some way.
The protagonist might actually be the bad guy.
The bad guy is immortal, it's pointless to try killing him.
If the bad guy says you will die, you will.
If the bad guy doesn't kill you in 5 minutes, you'll probably live.
It's pointless to beg the bad guy to spare your life. Just accept your fate.
The bad guy is a good singer.
There will always be a twist in the end.
Sequels will suck. But you'll watch it anyway.
You'll find yourself laughing more than screaming when watching a horror movie.
Photo from sodahead.com
2 comments:
LOL! Naalala ko tuloy yung list naman for Pinoy action movies. Hilarious!
Ooh yeah!
"No matter how tough the action hero is, he'll always be in pain when the leading lady's treating his wounds."
"There will always be a sex scene."
Bob Ong ftw!
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